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BMJ Blog Archive Anna Donald
Oh dear. I've just been to another funeral. The 3rd one this year. Death swirls its big mysterious cloaks around us (what colour? black? rainbow? purple?),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sweeping switch to our lives. At this rate I'm going to outlive everyone. This time around it's the mother of the ex who was extremely generous to me during my idle youth. She was raised on the wrong side from the tracks in Sydney within the 1940s. She persistently and admirably seized every educational chance to become an inspired teacher - within the roughest and poshest places after which an attorney, her big dream. She lovingly saw me,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], like her, as 'potential' to be pushed further.
It worked. Her and her family's enthusiastic support (as well as that of my own family) was instrumental during my trying to get, and winning a Rhodes Scholarship, despite my desultory sports record cheap in 1989 around australia the Rhodes was still considered a 'bloke's scholarship.' I played the piano, not Aussie Rules or 'thugby.'
Pat died of cancer, but only after nine great many years of life lived fully. I'll be delighted with those innings. But that doesn't result in the parting any easier.
Death death death. Yet, personally, despite all of this, I do not feel it close to hand. The lack-of-hair situation means I can not forget I've got cancer, however i don't particularly wish to forget. I don't mind having cancer, I simply don't want to die for a long period.
The hair situation. How much of an almost-comic palaver that's growing to be. First I lost my hair, as people do, in the early rounds of chemotherapy, in 2003. I wore headscarves,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but didn't bother much with wigs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when i wanted my very own hair back, not somebody else's.
And sure enough, it returned, more or less intact as the doctors promised,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], once the chemo stopped six months later.
Then, in 2007, I lost it again. Again everyone promised it would come back. It didn't. Or at best, the thick red stuff didn't. What emerged was a type of blonde fluff, like baby hair, only thinner and fewer cute.
I quickly had head radiation, which pretty much blasted all of it to the bathroom floor in little blonde tufts. And I was very bald for a while. I believed which was that. But now, I've got weird patches of hair in different places emerging, including a vivid red patch in the shape of an inverted heart (?!) on the back of my head.
The best solution, obviously, is to shave the lot and have a clean head. But I'm curious to determine what emerges. Every day I peer within the mirror in the tiny hairs: to date, red, white, brown along with a kind of charcoal.
My mother hates this approach and wants me to shave to make it all neat and tidy and never to look like a mangy dog. But I can always plonk my wig/beanie/headscarf to cover up if I have to look respectable. So I'm holding out for any bit longer,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], simply to see what goes on.
One annoying thing about major hair loss is losing your eyebrows, because they frame that person. You do not notice this before you don't have them, when your eyes and nose merge with your forehead, which looks very strange.
I still have eyebrows, but they're white-blonde to help you barely see them. I'm becoming more and more grateful to good make-up, which can do wondrous items to a blotchy, puffy, hairless chemo-affected face. Like create eyebrows.
So far,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], my eyelashes have hung on for dear life, which is good, because mascara does a great deal to distract you against the eyebrow situation.
The other (VERY) annoying thing is the fact that I've not lost hair everywhere. Without going into unseemly details, let's say I'm divided in two. Above midriff, no hair. Below,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], business as always. Meaning I still shave my legs and mess the bath up and have to wash it. I can't believe it. What's so bloody marvellous about my leg hairs that they'll survive the barrage without blinking an eyelid? The mysteries of cancer are endless.
There are,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], however,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], good stuff about being bald. When it is hot,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you can 'take off your hair' in a manner that hairy people can't. You don't get hairs within the soup or any other a part of your, or other people's food.
Like a woman a minimum of, it will save you a lot of money on haircuts,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], treatments and 'products' (though good wigs aren't cheap). You are able to shock small children and shut annoying people up by casually removing your hat and wig. A leering man on a station platform certainly looked startled when I became popular my hair.
Children, of course, don't mind; they're just curious. I often hear what "Why hasn't that lady got any hair?" drift behind me after I've passed children with their parents. I often wonder what type of explanation the parents give: "there are individuals who take drugs for any disease called cancer…" etc.
Or maybe they just think I'm a punk. In nice shoes by having an upside-down heart on the back of her head.
The other good thing is that I'm able to now join Alan Bennett, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in their brilliant 1960-something, At night Fringe Archbishop-of-Canterbury skit, in saying brother Esau is an hairy man but I am a smooth man." OK,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], so I am a woman, my brother is called Tom, and my legs aren't completely smooth with no Gillette. But hey. I am a lot smoother than I had been and probably smoother than Esau.
I believe perhaps I'd better stop immediately before I reveal the true depths of my 'daftness' as my hubby, a Northerner,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], calls it. Possess a lovely week.
I have only just discovered your site, thanks to Catherine in Winchester. Of all the blogs out of all blogosphere, this one shoots off and lights up like a flare, blotting all of the others to dimness. My job requires me to read some dismal blogs, and yours just makes everything click about the POINT of them. It just so wonderful to hear from you, directly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in your own words, not another person second or third hand account, of how you actually ARE living, thinking,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], arguing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], loving,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], all that stuff. I feel so lucky to possess found it and send love, calm positive thoughts and finest wishes over the ether for you and Michael. I feel ridiculously proud of the two of you. He never ended up getting the importance of shoes though did he?
I met you in Boston in 1995 and, after conducting more than 10,000 interviews and career counselling sessions worldwide over Two decades, I have never forgotten your extreme giftedness, intelligence, authenticity and sensitivity. You're a rare individual in the world!
I woke this morning with you i believe and hang about searching Google to locate we did though I had no clue you've cancer. My thoughts and love to you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Your courage in expressing your individual day-to-day challenge is such an inspiration and lesson in authenticity,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Now millions can see what I saw within our meeting.
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